Richard’s Blog

Athena Celina Moore-Enriquez
7lb 5oz
21 inches

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Mikey called at 6:40 to tell me I had to come in to work because her water broke. Or as Mikey put it, “that mucusie stuff came out.”
He says he’ll call when there’s something to report.

Even if the world is coming to an end don’t call him.
— If you think he was twitchy before, just picture him as a brand shiny new, almost-father sitting at the hospital.

The really fun part is that he could be sitting at the hospital all day.
He’s trying hard to stay cool, but by the time she finally has the critter I bet it won’t take much to push him over the edge.

If he calls with anything interesting to say, I’ll get someone to call everybody.

I was wrong they’re back home with her contractions 20 minutes apart. I’m working all week

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I haven’t been writing much, as if anyone would notice. I’ve been busy and mostly too tired to care when I’m at work.
Mikey thinks his future ex-wife is due any day now, I thought it was at least a week away, and her mood swings are making him weirdier than usual.

Jazzy is a confirmed non-morning person. She’s just as draggy and cranky as the rest of us….. I hate working with morning people. — I may have mentioned this before, I don’t remember for sure and I don’t read my own blog.
So if I did…. Re-read it….. No wait, if you’re reading this part, you just did…. Neener, Neener.

I wonder if Jazzy knows the camera right behind her gives a great view of her cell phone.

You can tell that this isn’t a male dominated place. Jazzy is wandering around behind the counter and Panchito is mopping the floor. — I wonder if he does windows?
He cleaned all the glass, including the doors this morning… So, ladies, he does windows. And I bet his mother would be happy to send him to your house for a nominal fee. Just don’t leave anything breakable out where he can get his hands on it.

Big-I is back to work after her latest surgery. — That girl needs a new hobby.

The Person Formerly Known as Prego is having a party for one of her kids tonight. There’s going to be 50 odd(very odd) adults and 15 or so kids. — I guess that explains all the beer.

Gringos don’t generally take that approach. Kid’s parties are for kids. Mexicans seem to think that any excuse to get drunk is a good one…. Not that that’s necessarily a bad thing. It’s just a different culture.

Come on Panchito. You’re overdoing it, she’s not that funny. I know she’s cute, but from here it looks like you’re trying waaaay too hard.

Ok, Ok. I admit it. I’m watching what Mikey calls Pioneer tv, you know, all those security cameras.
By the way. Officially and for the record, I don’t know how he does it……. You are all, really, incredibly, unbelievably, boring.

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In case you’re the only person on the planet that missed the news:
Flower is preggers…. Again.
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When they had the baby shower for Mikey’s future ex-wife he and I went to Barleys and had a couple of drinks and some prime rib. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone so glad to have something that didn’t taste like Mexican food.
Hmmm.. Let’s see….. The girls around here are all Mexican. The girl he married is Mexican. His mother inlaw is Mexican….. So sad, too bad… He best be gettin’ used to it.

Or, dare I say it. He could buy a roast and cook it…. No, wait. No oven, ’cause he’s too cheap to have the gas turned on.

Since he has a single burner propane stove and no broiler or grill, I guess he could fry a good t-bone steak. —- Fried t-bone…. oooh, yummy.

Do you realize that only having a single burner means that everything they cook is either a one pan meal, fried or microwaved. —– Remind me not to eat at his house.

I don’t think he even has a BBQ. Not that that would matter. He’d be too cheap to buy charcoal or propane, much less a really good steak anyway.

Oh, Yeah. About that baby shower. Mikey has found time to review all the video. — I hope you didn’t do anything you wouldn’t want Mikey to see.
If there was anything really embarrassing it may be on YouTube as we speak.

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Jazzy took Panchito to pick up our lunch at Olive Garden. She got lost. He told her which way to go and he was right….. Let me repeat that. Panchito was right.

Jazzy is one of those people who is bright, but easily distracted. As a result she can get lost in a phonebooth.
Dealing with her is easy, ask which way to go and then travel in the opposite direction.

The person formerly known as Prego needed a ride home the other night. She got the ever so exciting privilege of riding with Jazzy. The person formerly known as Prego told me that she felt like she was taking her life in her hands accepting that ride.

Panchito didn’t seem to have a problem with her driving. Of course I doubt that he was watching traffic.
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I ordered a Tour of Italy that their menu claims is:
Homemade lasagna, lightly breaded chicken parmigiana and creamy fettuccine alfredo.

There wasn’t a drop of extra sauce anywhere to be found.
The lightly breaded chicken appears to be the same stuff they call chicken fingers at the local bar.
The lasagna may technically be homemade, but I think a more accurate term would be “home-assembled.”
And the “creamy” alfredo sauce was glue.

I understand the hazards of making orders to go, but even served in the restaurant this stuff would be politely described as mediocre.

As for their “Culinary Institute of Tuscany.” It sure sounds impressive, but all I can find about it says that it’s for Olive Garden employees only. —That sounds more like a corporate training school as opposed to a real Culinary Institute.

Yes I’m being whiny, but if I’m going to fall off my diet, I expect the food to taste special. The sandwich I threw together this morning was just as appetizing.

A cute little oriental girl came in who made Jazzy look tall….. Ok, nothing short of a ladder will make her look tall, but you know what I mean.

Has anyone else noticed that cute little Jazzy who sounded so bright and cheery when she first started, now sounds less enthused that I do.

I don’t know if I mentioned it before but Panchito failed his spanish test. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t want to talk to the customers…… Or maybe he just doesn’t want to get downwind of them.

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Monster Rat thought that a red dot caused by a laser pointer was glitter. — So she tried to brush it off.
Does anyone else think that maybe new glasses are in order?

Big-D got a paper cut… You’d think she’s hurt herself by she acted. She came out of the bathroom with enough toilet paper wrapped around it that if you didn’t know better you would have thought she’d amputated her hand.
I suggested that lemon or lime juice would help it heal…. nobody seemed to think I was serious. It works. Try it sometime…… Would I lie??

I got my stuffed crust pizza and a cold beer yesterday(leftovers from Mikey’s B-day.). Even reheated it was really, incredibly good.

Contrary to the oft repeated rumor, and in case nobody else heard, Mikey does too have hot water. He has an electric water heater.
They cook on a propane stove because he’s too cheap to pay for gas.

He’s off to the hardware store buy the rest of the parts to fix his bathroom. Evidently there had been some sort of a leak for quite some time and the floor rotted. The advantage to living in a trailer on a foundation is that you can get under it to fix things.
I bet he finds lots of spiders……. Bwahahahaha.
—Sorry, I sometimes get carried away… Ok, I lied. I’m not sorry.. Bwahahahaha

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I watched one of our customers turn his back on the loan officer while he dug in his wallet for his id.
Talk about things that make you go …..Hmmmm.

I can picture what he’s thinking….. Fuck!… I can’t remember who I told these people I was the last time I was in!
Let’s see, Jorge, nope…. Juan, nope…. Philipe, nope…. Maria, nope…
Oh, well….. Eenie, meenie, miney, moe……
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We have signs asking parents to control their children. —-That’s a major waste of time when you consider that most of our customers still can’t deal with the please ring bell signs.

The problem is the signs say something about them taking care of their children. They say nothing about keeping the little monsters on their leashes.
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Has anyone else ever noticed that Panchito pays a lot more attention when Jazzy’s talking than when the rest of us have something to say.

Jazzy brought in a picture of her and Monster Rat when they were about 5. —Monster Rat looked then exactly like her daughter does now. She also took the picture, swearing she just needed it to make copies. It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the fact that she had that frown on her face while Jazzy was smiling.
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It’s warm outside and that fool is wearing a hoodie. —I guess he thinks it makes him look like a gangsta’.
Well moron, it just makes everybody watch you closer because they think you’re going to steal something!

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Grapes, an apple, a handful of almonds and a sandwich. Washed down with water.
—I want my stuffed crust pizza with everything. Including extra cheese. And a cold beer.

I am stuck at 285 +/- a couple of pounds.
I exercise, I drink lots of water and I am once again working on my house.
I think I’m doing everything right.
I’m told that weight loss plateaus, but this should only happen to other people.

There was a scene in a TV show called Mork and Mindy where they are dressed up to go out and she tells him to “suck in your stomach.” He replies “OK. Suck in your thighs.”
I haven’t had the balls to say it, but I’ve sure as hell thought it. —-It’s just as well. I’d lay odds that she doesn’t know who mork and Mindy are. She’d just get mad and I wouldn’t get laid.
—It’s the little things.

It’s slow so there’s not much to write about.

Last Sunday Jazzy thought I was mad at her because I didn’t come out of my cave.
First, I didn’t come out because I was sulking. I was eating fruit and I’m sure they were eating something good. —-Like a Baconater from Wendy’s… Yum, drool.
Second, when I’m mad at someone, has anyone ever seen me avoid them?
Lastly, what makes her so special? Why couldn’t I have been mad at someone else?

Mikey is trying to get get a software problem worked out. Tomorrow he gets to spend the morning on hold waiting for tech support.
This morning I sat up in his office half the day trying to help him write some procedure papers that can no longer be avoided.

No sir, that chunk of brass chain you stole from your grandmother is not gold. And you think wearing your hat sideways is a fashion statement. Well it’s not. It just makes you look like a dork.

“Ok. When was your last period?”
—–I’m staying in here.

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Don’t you just hate it when the spammers sneak past your filters. This morning I looked and found 9 comments waiting for moderation. Every one of the little blighters was spam. –This is why I moderate all comments.
All I can say is there must be enough money in spam to justify pissing off about half the known universe and risking jail time.

Let me think…
Mikey’s future ex-wife has an incredibly annoying nasally whine. I’m not sure if it’s because she’s almost due, because she’s married to Mikey, because she’s just too young, or all of the above.
Ah well. Better him than me.
She’s been driving his car and when Mr-B asked if she had a drivers license, I overheard Mikey mention having to straighten something out with the IRS. Which means he probably isn’t going to get all that money back he was bragging about.
Hmmm.. A baby on the way, only one income, and he just bought a bike…….

I’m being fairly good about my diet. I even turned down Odyssey pizza when someone else was buying…. I think all these fruits and vegetables are killing brain cells.
It’s not the lack of food that makes me hungry. It’s knowing that I can’t eat everything I want, whenever I want. I did not get to over 300 pounds by taking small bites.

Speaking of fruit. Where the hell can you get good fruit in this town. The last couple of times I bought nectarines they had no flavor and putting them in a bag with an apple didn’t help them ripen even a little bit. This is probably because the fruit or vegetables you can buy in the market are almost universally coated with wax or plastic.

What’s the point of good looking produce if it tastes like shit.
With the amount of genetic manipulation of our food, I would also question the nutritional value of what we buy. If it is designed to look ripe when it isn’t, what else is wrong?
—Don’t mind me, it’s just cheeseburger withdrawal.

I came up with an absolutely brilliant idea for improving parking lots… Stripes. Then people would know where to park. Ok, not our customers, but other people’s customers.

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Mikey bought himself a 2008 Sportster motorcycle. His wife says it’s OK, but she’ll go along with pretty much anything.
The Godmother doesn’t know yet. —-I can’t wait.
He also refuses to buy any new furniture or maternity clothes. —Oh well, he’s too skinny for maternity clothes. (Ducking and running as I write)

I’ve been a good boy and have been limiting my caloric intake. Translation… I’m starving. —-So today I ate an ultimate cheeseburger combo. –Large– Yippie

The other shops seem to be closed today so we’re getting more traffic. This is good for business, but it means that I had to work. –Icky, yucky, pooh, pooh.

Oooh, a classy customer who knows you’re supposed to wait until the pretty lady is watching before you scratch your ass.

Phone call…. “Richard, the computer’s going to kick me out and I didn’t print the check yet….. It kicked me out… Click”

Once it decides to kick you out there’s nothing short of reprogramming all the software involved including, Mikey’s stuff, Internet explorer and the memory management in winblows that will prevent the problem.
—-Sorry, but I’m much too busy blogging about it to be bothered.

Jazzy is a bit on the nervous side. She expected Big-I to be bitchy. (Big-I is too busy to be bothered with that)

She expected me to be cranky, or at least not so patient. Me? I’m the most patient, understanding person here. I’m filled to overflowing with the milk of human kindness. I’m so patient that I could give Job lessons.
—If I make her nervous now, wait until she sees me go off on someone…. Bwahahahahaha
(She’s cute, she ’s bright, she tries her best… But my God she’s young. –Oh well. A few months around here’ll fix that.)

Is it just me or does it take longer to explain the contract than it does to do the loan? And why do we refuse to give the customers copies of everything they signed when they ask?

Dear potential customer: In reference to your watch. Switzerland is not spelled J-A-P-A-N and gold does not turn your wrist green.

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